


Delirium

by Mari_Rey



Series: Whumptober 2019 [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Abuse, Delirium, Gen, Hugs, Imprisonment, Marauders, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 03:22:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20885309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mari_Rey/pseuds/Mari_Rey
Summary: A jail cell, ruminations on hugs, and hope in a dark place. A glimpse into the early days of Azkaban imprisonment.





	Delirium

It was instinct the first time it happened. A quick shift from human to animal when it all got too much. It was only after Sirus heard the human footsteps approaching her remembered to change back. He felt . . . better would be the word. He no longer felt buried underground instead he just felt as if he was trying to climb a muddy hill. Hands searching for purchase but slipping to the bottom ever so slowly. Sirius could remember the good times. Faintly, he remembers the feeling of hugs from the Marauders. James was always forceful, patting him on the back or ruffling his hair. Until Sirius gained height on him. That always irked him. Remus hugs were like slipping into a blanket. Soft and taken for granted. You always had to be careful to hug Remus. A thousand calculations went into every touch that Remus accepted. The phase of the moon, the amount of sleep he had, and how you approached him. But if you did everything correctly, Remus would give hugs that lasted ages. Peter would give hugs first. Small ones throughout the day. Just checking that, you were still there and he was still alright. Sirius grew to accept and miss those hugs once their Hogwarts days were over. 

His ruminations were broken by the clank of his meal tray hitting the ground. It was basic fare, a dry sandwich, a cup of soup, and a small drink of water. Sirius would have a hard time eating it if he was not surrounded by soulsucking demons. He had been in this jail cell for several days, perhaps a week. The days all blurred together. One nightmare after another. Sirus felt an early jolt of cold breached his thoughts. Breathe frosting in front of him. They were back. He forced himself to eat. He was of no use to his friends, to Harry if he starved here. Sirius mopped up the last bit of soup when his breath frosted. A skeletal frame covered in a tattered black cloak loomed from the window in his cell. Sirius muscles tightened nothing made this easier. The skeleton took one breath and --- 

Slap “Useless boy! Useless Heir. We should have disowned you when your first letter came back from Hogwarts!” Walburga shouted reaching back to slap him one more time. Sirius O.W.L. results had returned and they were not to the standard of a Black Heir. One of his few O’s were in muggle studies. Sirius would laugh if he did not see his father’s face behind his mother. While she was one for physical punishments, it was his caused Sirius blood to freeze. He saw his father grab his wand and point it at him. A curse all to familiar on his lips.

“Father, no!” Sirius shouted.

Someone was whimpering others screaming around him. It was loud enough to break him out of his nightmares. It was not like this before. He could feel his panic growing. Tears threatened to break across his face. What did he do that help? Before … before dinner something helped. The skeletal frame was back in front of him before he could think of what it was. A deep rattling breath, and 

“They only keep you around to have someone to pity!” his brother shouted. “They do not care about you. Why can’t you see that? Who out of there group takes the fall more than the others? I know, you better than that Sirius. You are the sneakier one out of the two of us.”

His brother’s face and voiced loomed around him. He did not believe him then but after several days stuck in here. With memory after memory accusing him, finding fault in him. Sirius had a hard time remembering. He just wanted to forget it all, at least for a time. 

Another deathrattle at the door, Sirius could no longer think. He shifted from one form to his other. He crawled under his blankets as the memories threatened to overwhelm him. This was not forever. Remus would come to get him. He just had to last until that happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, Poor Sirius. Critiques are welcomed. I am not very good at this prompt.


End file.
